More Than They Know
by we're all beautiful
Summary: Cameron hasn't been the same since the accident no one but her family seems to know about, Sterling is one of the small town high school golden boys.What either of them don't realize is they need each other more than they know.
1. Chapter 1

**Cameron**  
The hot summer, Alabama air burned my skin. I hadn't been here since I was 12. My mother and father sent me to stay the next two months with my Aunt, Uncle and their 2 children. Gunner was my age and his little sister, Taylor was only 9 but she was at a over night camp for half the summer. Last time I was here she was only 4 and could barely form proper sentences, and well last time Gunner saw me, I was his flat chested, tom-boy cousin who always had her hair in an elastic and had no idea what contacts were. Now I wasn't so flat chested, grew my hair out and styled it and finally discovered that I didn't have to constantly wear my glasses. I would like to think I was at least a bit cute, I've never been in a relationship, so I'm sure Gunner and his family did not expect me to be looking the way I now did. I lived 3 hours away from here and hadn't been here in 5 years. Why, was a mystery from me.  
When I got out of the taxi that picked me up from the bus station I saw little flashes of my childhood come back. The tire swing on the front yard, willow tree.  
"Well look who finally showed up after all these years" Aunt Heather smiled from the porch. "You've grown up to be quite the beautiful women"  
"Thanks Aunt Heather. I like to think so too"  
"Gunner is going to have to keep all his little friends away from you this summer"  
"Please let them come my way all they want." I laughed as I took my bags out of the back of the trunk of the taxi. I only had a few bags, I didn't want to pack too heavy.  
"Gunner! Get the hell out here and help Cameron with her bags!" Heather called from outside. Gunner was out in seconds. When he first saw me he looked a little confused. Which wasn't the reaction I was hoping for.  
"What happened to my football playing, ass kicking little cousin?"  
"She grew up," Heather smiled at me  
"But don't think I still can't kick your ass, because I've been practising all these years" I smirked as I passed my bag to Gunner. He played football for his high school, It was his last year playing and he was the quarterback. They were already training for the upcoming season. We used to play football together all the time when I would come down for the summers. I missed being a kid with Gunner. Now we were all grown up and he had a girlfriend and had been dating her for 2 years now. We had been best friends, and now it felt like we total strangers trying to make conversation. I wanted my cousin back.  
"After dinner, front lawn."  
"You're on" I smiled, taking my bags to the guest room that I would stay in as a child. Their house was pretty much the same. They had added a few modern pieces added but other than that everything was mostly as I left it 5 years ago.

 **Sterling**  
Gunner was missing out on the biggest party of the summer because his cousin was coming in to stay with them for the summer. Lame. The entire team was here. Not to mention the hot girls that were everywhere. I had already had a few beers in me when a girl named Ruth walked up to me and started to get really close. I mean sure she was hot, and yeah totally fuckable, but not what I was looking for this time of night, maybe once I had a few more beers, but nothing could drown out that awful noise she called a voice.  
"So, Sterling." She touched my face. Not to mention me and the guys were in the middle of a conversation.  
"What is it tonight Ruth" I rolled my eyes and spoke in monotone so she would get the hint to go away.  
"Well you know, me and you. Both here, and I think I'm a little drunk"  
"Not tonight Ruth. Not in the mood"  
"Oh c'mon Sterling. You're not being fun" She wined. I just wanted her to shut up. I mean yeah we've hooked up before but she was becoming seriously clingy.  
"Goodnight Ruth" I turned her around an lightly pushed her back to her friends, who were equally annoying, and even slightly hotter than Ruth. But just as clingy. They were good to have a little fun with when you needed something but once you were done you abandoned ship as soon as you could. The only one of my friends who hadn't done anything with any of those girls was Gunner. Him and his girlfriend, Dixie had been dating for over 2 years and were almost stuck at the hip most nights. It was revolting how happy they were, but I also wanted what they had. I wanted to look at someone and know they were mine and nobody else's. I wanted to love someone with everything I had in me.  
 _Hey, I'm coming. Bringing Cam. Whatever you do stay away._ Gunner texted me. Why did I have to stay away? I let it slide and continued talking with the guys, informing them that Gunner was on his way. They were excited. I wanted to meet his cousin. They way he explained him, he seemed really cool and into pretty much everything we all were. When they showed up Gunner had Dixie with him in the front seat of his truck. They both started walking together. I couldn't see because of how dark it was but I could see his cousin walking up.  
"Hey man, Welcome to the party"  
"Thanks, Cam decided to come"  
"Can't wait to meet him" I said. He gave a puzzled look which made me wonder what I had said to get that look.  
"Hi, I'm Cameron. But call me Cam. Kay?" A voice as smooth as milk said. It was a beautiful voice. I don't think I ever heard anything so beautiful in my life. And when the person who the voice came from stepped into the light I realized not only had I just heard the most beautiful voice, but I had my eyes on the most beautiful girl in Alabama. God damn, she was flawless. My heart had felt as if it had stopped when she walked into the light. What was happening to me?


	2. Chapter 2

**Cameron**  
By the look on Gunner's friends faces, they had no idea I was going to be a girl. They all seemed so shocked. I just smiled and told them to call me Cam. I wanted to make friends as quickly as possible so Gunner didn't have to entertain me the whole time. Dixie was nice and we really seemed to hit it off, but I needed to make friends that weren't related to Gunner so I could give him space for a little. It was bad enough his mom basically made him my guardian for the summer already.  
"So, Cam. Can I get you a drink?" One of Gunners friends ask. I had no idea what his name was but I was thirsty, but I wanted to get my own. I was not looking to be waited on.  
"I think I'll get my own thanks." I just smiled and started towards the keg. "Dixie? Gun'? you want anything"  
"Not right now thank you though" Dixie smiled. I nodded towards Gunner, as if I was asking again and he just shook his head no. So I went to the keg alone and got a small red solo cup full of beer. It was probably cheap, but what can you do when you can't legally drink. You get what you get. Before I could turn back to Gunner I realized he probably wanted to hang out with his friends and not his dorky cousin. So I took my drink and walked towards a tree to sit under and just listen to the music playing and enjoy the night sky. I was hidden so I couldn't ruin anything for Gunner and his friends, and I was enjoying myself just being alone anyway. It was nice. I was finally getting away from the place that I had been in for so long. Gunner had always worried about me, even when I hadn't seen him in years. There was always a feeling that he was always scared for me. I was getting better, dealing with things alone was what I did best.  
I was enjoying the sky when I heard footsteps on the grass, approaching me.  
"Hey buddy. What are you doing all the way over here. You Ok?" It was Gunner, of course. He probably saw me over here and right away he would have excused himself to come see me.  
"I'm fine, just thought I'd give you and your friends some space you know? I wouldn't want to intrude."  
"Cam, you're like the coolest cousin anyone could have, Plus, you're already like one of the guys"  
"Thanks but no thanks. I like it over here. I haven't been able to just sit and think like this in a while"  
"Are they good thoughts?" I looked at Gunner. He was still worrying about me. I just smiled at him and looked back at the stars  
"Yeah Gun', They're good thoughts"

 **Sterling**  
Cameron had walked off alone after getting her drink. I didn't know why but something inside of me was angry that she was alone. It physically hurt me and I didn't know what was going on. All I knew is that something about here had to be done. She couldn't be alone. If I tried to go Gunner would kick my ass, so I pointed it out to him, knowing he would go into over bearing cousin mode. He'd do anything for family.  
"Hey, Gunner. Cameron just kind of over there by herself. Do you think she's Ok?"  
"I don't know... I'm going to go check" He walked over to her with the look that he was on a mission. He would do anything for family, it was like his thing. Everyone knew what great lengths he went to just to get Cameron's parent's to let her come down for the summer. She didn't know that he was the one that made it happen, but he had begged her parents, making multiple phone calls a day asking them to at least think about it. When they finally agreed to it, he had been ecstatic. He kept saying 'The Accident' but never actually said what it was. He had told us that she didn't need anyone trying to get with her because she was finally coming out of the dark place she went into after 'the accident'  
"I never expected her to be that pretty" Dixie had finally spoke, breaking my thoughts.  
"Yeah I thought she'd be all emo and shit" Owen laughed "She fucking hot" Dixie sighed. She hated it when we acted like pigs. She never saw it with Gunner, who had gotten used to us by now.  
"You're disgusting and I hate you all" She laughed. We knew she didn't really hate us, she just didn't like the way we acted. Dixie thought that we all needed to find someone to love for the rest of our lives. I had no intention of finding anyone soon. I had one more year of high school, then off to play college football. I've had this plan for years. The only rule I had for myself was DON'T FALL IN LOVE


	3. Chapter 3

**Cameron**  
 _April  
Laughing. Music Playing. Trouble by Halsey. That's what's playing through the AUX cord. I wasn't paying attention to what was around us. It was all my fault. I'm sorry April. It was all my fault. You should be here with me. We should be getting ready for senior year together. But you're not. I don't know how I even got through last semester. They told me "Don't feel guilty" "She doesn't blame you" You probably didn't, but how could any of us known. I know your parents regret letting you go that night. Hell, I regret begging you to even ask if you could. You wanted to study but I begged until you said yes. You might not have blamed me, but I blame me, April. I blame me for everything.  
I love you,_  
 _Cammy_  
They told me writing letters would help. Sometimes they did, but sometimes reliving it all was just too much. This day it was just too much. I spent the whole day curled up in bed. Aunt Heather had knocked on my door a few times and asked if I was hungry. I always said no and told her I felt just a little sick. Even Gunner tried to come in and tried to talk to me, but I had locked the door. I didn't want to speak to anyone. I just wanted to stay in bed a fill myself with regret for the day. I needed to feel this. I wanted to feel this. I had been so numb for so long I wanted to finally be able to feel the sadness of losing my best friend.  
"Cam, Me and the guys are going to throw the ball around you wanna come?" Gunner asked from outside the door.  
"No thanks" I said then dug my face back into my pillow. April and I would kick the soccer ball around all the time. She knew I'd rather be playing football, but guys wouldn't want to see that I could kick their ass at their own game, so we stuck to soccer. She just wanted me to find someone and be happy. I hated every minute of playing soccer, but I just wanted to be doing it with her. I just wanted to do something, even if I hated it, I wanted just to be doing something with my best friend again.  
"Are you sure? I think it'd be fun to show them what you can do" Gunner laughed, he knew I could really get them to work for it, without even trying. But today it would be an effort just to get out of bed, and I just didn't even have the energy to try to do that.  
"Yeah I'm sure. Maybe another day. I'm just not feeling much today" I heard him sigh and then walk away. He then went downstairs and out to the yard where I could hear them talking and playing.  
"She's not coming?" One of his friends asked  
"Not this time. She feels sick" Gunner said. He knew I wasn't sick. He lied for me and Gunner hated lying to people, yet he had done it to protect me.

 **Sterling**  
She feels sick. That killed me inside. She was laying in her bed, alone feeling sick and we were right outside playing around and having a great time. I didn't know how that made me feel, but it didn't make me feel good, I knew that much. I didn't know why it made me feel like shit knowing she was alone and feeling sick. I tried to ignore it and continue to play with the guys but I was playing really shitty.  
"What's going on with you today" Aaron laughed "You're playing like shit" He threw me the football.  
"I don't know. Just an off day for me" I laughed as I caught the ball. "But remember before you say anything else. I'll be back on my game tomorrow. So watch out" I threw the ball twice as hard and when Aaron caught it, you could tell it hurt his hands. "I'm just going to head home. See ya guys. Gun' tell Cameron I say feel better" I got into my pick up and rolled out of the driveway. I shouldn't have said that last part, but I wanted to and then it just came out and happened. Gunner would probably want to kill me or thank me. I could never be sure with him. But it would definitely be something of the two. Or all it could do is make him suspicious. I hadn't even really spoken to her though. I asked her if she wanted a drink but she had told me she would get it herself and that was the last time we spoke. I wanted to hear more of her voice though. I wanted to just hear her speak and I wanted to be close to her. I knew she would smell good. Probably like vanilla. Wait. What the hell was I doing. Gunner had asked us all the stay away and here I am thinking about what she smells like? Not only have I never cared but Gunner is my best friend. He asked me to stay away from his cousin for a reason. I just have to trust that he knows what he's doing and that she truly doesn't need people trying to get with her right now. I wanted to know all about her though. I wanted to know her secrets, I wanted to know about her favourite colour. Nobody has made me feel this way before. Gunner knew her more than anyone though and if he says that we should stay away then that's what I'll do. I'll cut off all thoughts of her. For Gunner. And for her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Cameron**  
"Tell Cameron I said feel better" I heard the boy from the party said to Gunner. Well that was sweet. He must be one of the nice friends he has, but he probably has a girlfriend who would be totally upset if I tried talking to him. I never understood why girls always got mad at their boyfriends for speaking with me, they're always way prettier than I am.  
I was feeling a little more energetic around dinner time so I decided that I would try to make myself get out of bed and go down to eat, even though I wasn't feeling hungry I knew I should try to have a little.  
"Well look who it is." Aunt Heather smiled  
"I'm feeling better so I thought I would eat with you guys. Is that OK?"  
"Of course! Just don't give me whatever you have" Uncle Frank laughed. I just smiled at him and grabbed a plate with a tiny bit of food on it.  
"That's barely considered eating" Gunner commented on the lack of food I had  
"Oh Gunner leave the poor girl alone" Heather scolded him.  
"It's ok Aunt Heather, I know he's kidding" I took a bite of the salad I had put on my plate. I couldn't handle anything else in my stomach right now. I think by the look on Aunt Heather's face, she knew that too. For the rest of dinner we sat in silence and just listened to the clinking of our forks meeting the almost empty plates. Dinner was over and we all separated. I went outside to sit and stare at the sky and talk with my best friend. I sat under the big tree on the swing.  
"Hey April. It's me. I'm sorry I haven't written you a letter in a while. I suck, I know." I laughed a shy laugh. "God I miss you April. I miss you so much and I wouldn't be missing you with this kind of pain if I didn't fuck up so bad. I should have been more goddamn careful. You always were when you drove." I could feel my voice choking up and the tears where starting to come to my eyes. Shit.  
"I know you hate when I cry but I can't help it. I miss my best friend. We aren't going to graduate together A. I remember how much we would talk about it. The amazing and artsy pictures we were planning on taking on graduation day, and we would have if I hadn't-" I was interrupted by the sound of someone walking up behind me.  
"Who you talking to?" Gunner's friend asked  
"Nobody." I started to walk back to the house.  
"Hey, I'm sorry I messed up your alone time with your friend. I just left my hat here earlier. I wanted to see if Gun' had found it" I could tell he thought I was a total nut job. I wouldn't blame him, even I thought I was going crazy.  
"I was just going up to my room"  
"You like it up there?" He asked me  
"What do you mean by that?" Dick.  
"Well you spend a lot of time up there"  
"It feels more like home than home does" I said not expecting him to have any idea what I meant by that  
"Yeah I get that" Liar. "I'm Sterling" He stuck his hand out, to formally introduce himself.  
"Goodnight Sterling" I walked past him and into the house. Gunner was in the doorway with a puzzled look on his face. "He's looking for his hat. Night Gun'"  
"Night Cam"  
 **Sterling**  
Why didn't she want to talk to me? Who was she speaking to in the sky? This girl was one big mystery. Usually I would see that as a task I wasn't willing to try and figure out but she made me want to. I needed to know. When she walked back to the house I had only one feeling in my gut. I wanted her to stay.  
"Hey buddy. I heard you were looking for your hat" Gunner came up behind me. Cameron must have said something to him.  
"Yeah, I can't find it at home. You got it?" I asked him trying to avoid the question he was going to ask me. I could feel it.  
"Here" He passed me it and I could feel the tension in the way he gave it to me "What are you doing Sterling? I thought I asked you to stay away from her, she doesn't need this."  
"Nothing Gunner. I'm not doing anything. She just seems like she needs a friend. She was talking to the fucking sky"  
"Anything to do with her I will deal with, she's my cousin."  
"I'm not going to try to fuck her if that's what you think.. I'm not that guy Gun. I would never do that to you"  
"Look she's just been through so much lately. She doesn't need anyone trying to be her friend. If she needs anything she'll come to me. I told her she could"  
"But how do you know she actually will" I could tell that really burned him. I shouldn't have said it. But it just came out. I didn't like being treated like this. I liked being trusted. Gunner obviously couldn't trust anyone when it came to Cameron. He needed to. What did he think she was going to do? Stay locked up all summer until she was ready to talk to someone.  
"I know her. She will"  
"Whatever you say Gunner. If you think she will, then I do too. Have a goodnight" I patted his shoulder as I walked passed him. I got into my truck and pulled out and started driving home. Dad would probably be the only one home. Mom would have gone out with her book club or something. But when I got home, nobody was there. Alone for supper again. Great. When I walked into the kitchen there was a note on a Tupperware container  
 _S  
Made your favourite! Be home late with your father.  
Don't wait up.  
xox  
Mom. _  
I was getting really sick of spending most nights alone. It really sucks when your parents cant wait to get you out of the house and don't want to ever see you. Mom's been hiding the fact she is sick of me by joining all the clubs the elite ladies of this town has. Dad doesn't even pretend anymore. He just tells me to get out of his hair for the night, every night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Cameron**  
Getting a good nights sleep after having so many restless nights is like coming up for fresh air after being underwater for way to long. Its the same with finally feeling happy after being so sad for so long. Today I woke up finally feeling both of these. I could feel myself being genuinely happy for once in a very long time. When I showered I didn't feel like I was drowning, I just felt like I was showering. It was amazing. I hadn't felt this in a long time. I wasn't sad about April, I just missed her. When I looked in the mirror I didn't hate myself or blame myself for the accident. I took my cell phone off the night stand and walked down to breakfast.  
"Good Morning everyone" I smiled all around. There were blueberry pancakes and toast sitting on the table.  
"Morning dear, There is bacon cooking and the eggs are just finishing up right now. Coffee?" Aunt Heather grabbed the coffee pot and motioned it towards me.  
"Yes please." I took a cup down and filled it up, then put some cream in it.  
"You seem happy today. I like it" Gunner said to me as he grabbed the coffee from my hand and chugged it  
"Wow thanks for that" I laughed and got another cup down. Aunt Heather glared at Gunner as he sat down at the table drinking away at my coffee. This was the way we were as children. It was nice to finally have that relationship back. I was glad that everything was getting back to normal again. When Uncle Frank walked into the room I could see by the look on his face he could feel the energy from me was different today. Better.  
"Morning Cam, you look happy today"  
"I feel happy Uncle Frank." I smiled and took a sip from the second cup of coffee I poured this morning. "Other than the fact your son stole my coffee"  
"It's what we do Cameron. Get used to it" Uncle Frank laughed and took Aunt Heathers coffee from her hand. She stopped him before he could get his lips on the rim  
"Yeah nice try buddy" She smirked and took it from his hands. This was how I pictured my family breakfasts with my parents. They don't exactly get along anymore. Since the accident I wasn't the only one who changed. They did too. None of us for the better... Then again, what I put them through not many parents would be the same after it either.  
"So Cam you up for that game of football you promised me?" Gunner asked me as he took a bite of a piece of toast.  
"Right after breakfast?"  
"Eat up then, you'll need it" He challenged me. I could tell he was happy to finally have his cousin back. Hell I was happy I was back.

It was after breakfast and I had changed out of my pyjamas and into something I could kick ass in. I ran down to the yard, where Gunner had been throwing the ball up in the air and catching it, waiting for me. I had no idea how he wanted to do this since I had no memory of how to play one on one football. When Gunner had thrown the ball in the air I ran up behind him and pushed him out of the way so I could catch it.  
"Oh I see, you want to play dirty." He laughed.  
"Whatever, you have to admit that was funny Gun' by the way, how do I play this again"  
"Are you serious? You don't remember? Guess we should call the boys over and play teams till you actually know how to play the game you challenged me to"  
"Fine, but remember. You challenged me, you dick" I threw the football at his face and he couldn't catch it in time so it nailed him in the face. Funniest moment I've witnessed it a while. It was good to have fun again.  
 **Sterling**  
I got a text in the group chat from Gunner as I was making something to eat for breakfast.  
 _Game of football. My Yard, 20 minutes. Cam is going to play._  
Cameron was going to play football with us? I didn't know if I wanted to play on her team or play against her so I could pick her up and run with her. My hands started to shake and my heart was beating way too fast. Was I nervous? NO I had to stop this. I couldn't betray Gunner like that, but I couldn't get her off my mind. The way she looked up at the sky last night, speaking to it like she had someone up there that she had a true connection with. How she pretended it was nobody, so I wouldn't think she was crazy, even though I could never think that about her. I barely knew her, yet I felt like I knew everything about her. Even when I knew I didn't.  
I got ready so fast and had my breakfast on the drive to Gunner's house. I didn't want to waste a minute. So of course I was the first one out of the boys to show up. Everyone else would probably just make it for the 20 minute mark Gunner had set for everyone. But I mean he was lucky enough that some of us were awake already. It was 10 in the morning in the middle of the summer. Gunner and Cameron were in the yard throwing the ball around, waiting. Wow she could really throw.  
"Hey man" I smiled as I walked up.  
"Morning. Need some coffee before we start? No one else is here yet. We got time" I hadn't had mine at home and really needed one.  
"Yeah that'd be great, I don't what it is but its something your mom does that makes her coffee one of the best"  
"Salt, makes it stronger." Gunner said walking into the house. I stood in the yard not knowing if he wanted me to come. "You coming?" I nodded and followed him, leaving Cameron in the yard, alone. She seemed to like being alone. There was something different about her today though. She seemed better, happier maybe. I wasn't sure what it was, but it made her even more beautiful.  
By the time I had finished my coffee the rest of the guys had finally made it and we could play some ball.  
"Ready to see what she's got boys" Gunner laughed. "Can't be much. She hasn't played since she was little"  
"Ha Ha. Funny Gunner." Cameron rolled her eyes. "So who's picking teams"  
"Gunner and Sean always do" Hayden explained. "Unless you want to?" He asked looking at Cameron  
"No, leave it up to chance. Whoever decides to take a chance on me, will see if they win or not" She smirked, she knew more about her game than any of us. I could tell she was hiding something about the knowledge of the game. She would either kick ass or totally fall flat on her face, and none of us knew which one it was going to be. It was a game of chance, but the guys seemed to be treating it like a life or death situation. It was just a friendly game of football in Gunner's front lawn. How seriously could they be taking this? Sean finally spoke up  
"Cameron. You're on my team. I trust you know what you're doing." Sean was a good guy. He treated girls the way they wanted to be treated and he gave everyone second chances.  
"Thanks!" Cameron smiled and skipped over to his side of the teams. They finally finished up picking and we got to playing, and damn could she play. She was one of the good ones that was for sure, hell she was almost as good as Gunner. I couldn't fucking believe it. When we finally finished up after getting our asses handed to us by Sean's team I went up to Gunner  
"Did you know she could play like that?"  
"I had a feeling, she was pretty fucking killer at it when we were kids, I just wasn't sure if she kept up with it or not"  
"Well she seemed to" I went to look at her one last time before she went back into the house, just to see her and Sean laughing and he was totally flirting and it seemed to be working. Fuck.  
"Gun' look," I pointed to them  
"Honestly. I trust him, Sean's never hurt a girl for no reason, hell he is usually the one getting hurt." Gunner chuckled, patted my back then walked away.  
No fucking way Sean was getting her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Cameron**  
I had totally shown those stupid boys what I was made of and kicked their asses at their own game. It had made me feel good, and I felt like April was with me the whole time. Watching over every move.  
"Wow, I'm glad I took a chance on you, you're really good" Sean smiled. He had the most innocent face, he was a pretty boy who seemed to be sheltered from shit his whole life. But he was very sweet.  
"Yeah, well taking chances are good sometimes." I laughed  
"You think?" Sean smirked and closed the space between us. I looked around, Gunner and Sterling were looking at us. Great, how pissed would Gunner be if I flirted with one of his best friends. Probably very. "You know, Gunner told us to stay away from you, but I'm going to take a chance here, and hope he won't kick my ass for this" Sean laughed  
"For what?"  
"Why don't _you_ take a chance and go out with me tonight, dinner. What do you say?" I could see he seemed a little nervous. Was it me? or the fact Gunner might actually kick his ass.  
"You know what, I was just thinking yesterday, I need to take more chances. Pick me up at seven." I smirked and went into the house. Wow I had a date. I was feeling excited for once in a really long time. I really wanted to tell April. Today might be a good day for a letter. I ran to my room and got out some paper.  
 _April,  
you'll never guess what. I have a date tonight! An actual real date with an actual real boy. He is one of Gunner's friends and I feel a little bad about that but I think I really need this. April, I haven't been happy in so long, and that isn't your fault. Don't think that, and I know you would tell me to not blame myself for the accident. I always will and you can't change that. Hell your parents probably blame me. They probably hate me. I know I would hate me. I find myself feeling better more each day so I think that's a good sign, I'm finally starting to recover. I just had to leave home to do it. I don't even know if I want to go home. Maybe I'll stay here for school if Aunt Heather will allow it. I can't go back to that school anyways, they all know about it. They all know I lost you, my best friend. They know how lonely I'll be walking the halls without you. They will try to sympathize with me. They will say "We're here for you" but not really mean it, nobody wants to help damage. Hell not even my parents wanted to help me, sending me here for the summer to "Get Better" that's code for "Get off our hands" you know that A, you know my parents. They can't handle being there for people. Its all about them. Always has been. So when I lost you, hell I lost everything. The one person who actually gave a shit about me, back home anyway. I killed you, I killed my rock. I killed the biggest part of my life. I love you A, I know you would be screaming and rummaging through your designer clothes for me right now if you could, you would be plugging in your curler even though it would make your room 100 degrees. You really loved me A, and I really loved you. I'm sorry. I miss you. I'm sorry for everything.  
xxx,  
Cam _  
"Hey Cam" Gunner came into my room. I slammed the letter under my bed with the others I've written to April in the past.  
"Hey Gun' what's up?"  
"I saw you talking to Sean, I just wanted to let you know that he's a really good guy. I trust him."  
"Thanks for that Gunner. " I smiled thinking he would just walk away, but nope, he walked further into my room.  
"Don't blame yourself Cam. Don't torture yourself over something that was fate. I know that its hard to think about something so horrible being fate, but everything happens for a reason. It was meant to be, even if it is shitty as hell"  
"How do you know I blame myself?"  
"I know you Cameron. You were one of my best friends growing up. I know the look you get when you feel guilty. And lately that's the only look you have. So try to stop blaming yourself?"  
"Yeah, I'll try." I said as he started walking out of my room  
"Have fun tonight cuz"  
 **Sean**  
She had said yes. I asked her out and she said yes. I felt a real sense of accomplishment. As soon as she had told me to pick her up at seven, off to her room she went. I had a feeling that her bedroom was her safe place, and it wasn't even her real bedroom, and with that thought I realized that she would be going home at the end of the summer, and I would probably never see her again. Unless she decided to stay, all I had with her was two months. I thought it was odd that Gunner never even told us why Cameron was even staying for the summer. He just told us it was "her parents thought she needed to get away" now what the hell does that even mean? But the fact he never said anything must mean that it was probably something major.  
"Sean! Hey wait up" Sterling ran up behind me before I could get into my truck.  
"What's up?"  
"I saw you talking to Cameron. Whats going on with you two?" Why did he even care? If this was some type of secret job Gunner sent him to do I was done for.  
"I just asked her to dinner. No big deal"  
"What did she say?"  
"To pick her up at seven. Jesus Sterling, whats with the damn 21 questions. You want to know what my social security number is too?"  
"No, no. Sorry. Have a good time tonight Sean." He smiled and walked away from the truck. What was that all about? You would think all those questions would be coming from Gunner. I was surprised when he didn't say anything to me. I just kept waiting for a text from him. I finally got it around 6.  
 _I trust you Sean. Don't mess this up. She can't handle much right now._  
There it was. A lot calmer than I thought it was going to be.  
 _Don't worry about it man._  
It was time to get ready for my date with one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen in this small shit town. And especially one who is so down to earth. When you see someone who looks like Cameron does you don't really expect to date her, because she doesn't really date you, or anyone really. But someone who looks like her and is as sweet as anything and is so down to earth, thats someone special.


	7. Chapter 7

**Cameron**  
I got into the truck, the radio was softly playing in the background. I smiled at Sean and he smiled back. I had no idea where we were even going, so the dress code was either hit or miss. But he seemed to dress up so my sleek burgundy dress seemed fine.  
"Hi, so where are we going?"  
"Just let me show you." He smirked and rolled out of the drive way. We drove for about 15 minutes when we pulled to an empty field. It was still a bit light out and the shadow of a blanket and a few plates were sitting on the peak of the hill. We were going to have a picnic. April and I used to have picnics. Usually as double dates with whatever guy she tried to set me up with that week, but sometimes we would do one with just us. A girls night out in a field, where we would just gossip and talk for hours until we realized it was almost past the time either of us would be allowed to drive. We would then speed home as fast as we could and pass out on the floor of our bedrooms. Just thinking about it made me sad she wasn't here. I knew I would never be able to get over her death. I felt like this feeling would last forever. And shit now without even noticing I was starting to tear up. Great I was going to fuck this up hard. I tried to hold it in but it wasn't working. I was going to break into a sob soon, I could feel it, and it was going to be a long one too. When April had first died I had cried for days. I was about to drive myself crazy right now. I kept thinking deeper and deeper into what had happened , as Sean parked. When he finally stopped and looked to me the smile on his face diminished.  
"Hey whats wrong." The magic words to anyone who is about to cry, making things worse. A tear dripped down my face. Shit. "Don't cry, whats going on."  
"I'm sorry. Just, me and my friend April used to do things like this back home"  
"And that makes you cry?"  
"Yeah well, umm." I tried to tell him without getting worse. "She died. In a car accident. Not long ago."  
"Fuck" He said under his breath. Damnit I probably made him mad. I had basically fucked up the entire night "I'm sorry. I had no idea, I ruined everything"  
Not exactly the reaction I thought I was going to get.  
"Oh its not your fault. It's mine I shouldn't have said anything" I was still crying.  
"If you just want to go back home, we can plan something else. I promise it won't be this again."  
"I'm sorry" I cried.  
"I'll take you home" He smiled lightly and turned the car back on. "It's ok, don't worry about it"

Once we got home and I was still crying I could barely see what I was looking at. I was too embarrassed to even say goodbye, I just ran out of the car and went into the house. I shut the front door behind me and then just rested my back against it and sobbed. I could hear people shuffling around in the kitchen. Damnit they must have heard me. Before I could run to my room before getting caught in a blubbering mess, Gunner's body slammed in front of me.  
"Excuse me" I kept my head down trying to hide my puffed up face.  
"Cam, Look at me. I know you're crying."  
"It's nothing Gunner. I swear, just excuse me." I pushed passed him and ran to my room. I shut the door and slid down to the floor. Tears hit my cheeks harder and harder the longer I thought about her. What was even happening to me, I hadn't cried this hard since her actual passing. I hadn't really encountered something like this yet. I usually avoided things that reminded me of her.  
I was sitting on the floor for 10 minutes until there was a knock on the door. I knew it was probably Aunt Heather so I wiped my face and tried to keep the tears inside. I took a deep breath and opened the door. It wasn't Aunt Heather.  
 **Sterling**  
Gunner and I were sitting in the kitchen trying to figure out what kind of snack we were going to make before going to play video games in his bedroom when we heard Sean's truck roll into his driveway. We shared surprised looks between each other. Why were they back so soon? Cameron had run up the porch stairs and into the house. When she opened the door you could hear her sniffling. Fuck, she was crying. What the hell happened since they left? Gunner went to go speak to her but she brushed passed him, saying it was nothing. It very well could have been nothing, if she was one of those attention seeking bitches. Which Gunner and I both knew she wasn't. Something was actually wrong. By the look on Gunner's face I could see he was pissed and was out for blood, before he even could find out what had happened he went out to the yard and stormed toward Sean, it looked like he was going to take a swing at him.  
"Gun' don't! You don't even know what happened. Just calm down for a second!" I ran outside to hold him back so Sean could explain.  
"Hold on Gunner. I didn't do anything" Sean started to back up "I mean not on purpose! You know me man"  
"What happened Sean."  
"I took her to a picnic a-and she started to cry, something about her and her best friend doing that together" Gunner's face softened. What was going on?  
"Shit.." Gunner turned his back to Sean and covered his face. Under his breath he kept swearing. I, however was still lost.  
"I don't get what's going on right now"  
"She died. Thats why she's here this summer, her best friend died." Gunner explained. Fuck. "I've got to go talk to her" Gunner started walking to the house.  
"Gunner wait! I'll do it. She already said she didn't want to talk to you about it. Let me try" I offered. I just wanted a reason to go talk to her, I wanted to comfort her. Damnit what was wrong with me. I figured Gunner had so many things going through his head he would just accept it. And he did.  
"Yeah, go" I patted his back and ran to the house and next thing I knew I was at her bedroom door and knocking. She was still crying, I could hear her sniffling and trying to calm herself down before she answered the door.  
"Oh, Hi." She opened the door wider so I could come in.  
"Are you ok? Gunner and Sean are really worried."  
"Oh, yeah no I'm fine. Thanks" She was faking it. She had her back to me and was facing out towards the window. I could still see her reflection. Tears were going down her face every time she would slowly blink.  
"What was her name?"  
"Huh?"  
"Your friend who died, what was her name?" When I asked this she sighed and blinked another tear.  
"April. Her name is..was April.." She wiped her face and turned towards me "Tell Gunner I'm OK, You can go now."  
"You're clearly not fine if you're still crying"  
"Did he tell you it was my fault?" I had a feeling I was about to get her to open up to me for the first time since she got here.  
"What was your fault?"  
"Her death. I caused it"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"The car accident. I took my eyes off the road and next thing I knew she was in the hospital on life support, and I had a broken arm. I killed her" She was bawling now, and wasn't even trying to hide it. She was in a full blown cry right in front of me and my dumbass had no idea what to do. "You should go" She said lastly, and instead of leaving the room, the next thing I knew I was walking towards her and i was hugging her. I had no idea how I got there and how it happened but I was actually hugging her. I had never hugged a girl while she was crying before. I've never really cared for comforting girls. But this time I actually wanted too, I felt like I needed to do this. We just stood there hugging as she sobbed into my shoulder. I could stay like this forever if I had too. I heard footsteps come towards her door. As I looked over my shoulder I saw it was Gunner. He wasn't saying a word, but he did have the biggest smile on his face and winked at me. Asshole.

 **Gunner**  
When I walked up to Cam's bedroom I had no idea what I was going to see. I didn't know if they were going to be sitting in silence, or if they were going to be arguing. I just had no idea what was going to happen. When I made it half way down the hall way I heard Cam talking. Saying that Aprils death was her fault, basically things that she had only told us and her parents up to this point. Hell she didn't even share that information with her therapist. That was when I knew something was different about the two of them. She trusted him, even if she didn't know it yet. She did. When I heard her stop speaking and start crying I started to go closer and closer to her room, trying not to make too much of a noise. When I got to the door way, I saw Sterling hugging her and looking at her with eyes of compassion and confusion. I knew he had no idea what he was doing, but the look on his face, I knew it well. It was the look my parents gave each other everyday. It was the look that I gave Dixie when I first told her that I loved her, and it was the look that Sterling never knew from his parents. But I knew it, this look, meant he already gave my baby cousin his heart. Even if he didn't know it yet.


	8. Chapter 8

**Cameron**  
When I woke up the next morning I was in my bed and wearing the pyjamas from the night before. I remember they were on the floor but I didn't exactly remember much after I started bawling my eyes out to Sterling. How fucking embarrassing. He probably thinks I'm a crazy person and will never want to come over again. It was all me who fucked up.  
"Morning." Gunner stood in my doorway.  
"Gunner will you tell Sterling-" I was going to get him to apologize for me before he interrupted me.  
"Tell him yourself. He's downstairs. He stayed the night. Mum and Dad went out for breakfast, and I have to go pick up Dixie to take her shopping, you'll be alone. I hope thats okay" He winked. What the hell was this. Gunner didn't want any of his friends even near me and now he is basically setting me up with his life long friend.  
"Gunner what-"  
"Get changed loser, and maybe shower. You reek" He laughed and left the room. Jerk. I did what he suggested though, I had already embarrassed myself enough infront of Sterling. I wasn't going to smell when I explained myself. I washed my hair and my body and then just stood in the boiling water as it turned my skin red. Just the way I liked it. When I got out I slipped on a pair of running shorts and a tank top. My hair was still dripping wet when I went downstairs. I tried to go silently so maybe I could get my morning coffee and run back to my room without Sterling noticing and just completely avoid talking to him all together. It didn't work because my clumsy ass knocked a glass out of the cupboard and made it obvious I was there. So even if Sterling had been asleep, well shit he wasn't now. I tried to just act normal, like I didn't know he was there. But as soon as I started pouring my coffee, he said my name.  
"Cam?" The way he said it sent shivers down my spine. I quivered knowing he was walking towards me. My hands were shaking and I couldn't get them to stop. I was going to spill my coffee if I didn't put it down. I don't think he ever called me Cam, towards me anyway. My heart started to race and I couldn't help but not turn around. If I turned around I would see how close he was, I would have to face what I had told him. "Cam, turn around and look at me. Please" He begged, fuck. He was begging me to look at him. I couldn't do that. I would see the look in his eyes that said he was sorry for me. I didn't want to see it. I sighed and put the coffee on the counter and looked out the window in front of me. I could feel him getting closer and closer. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. What was happening to me? Then he touched me. He put his rough hands on my arms. Holding me but not making any other contact.  
"I'm sorry" was all I could say. "You probably think I'm insane for sharing all that stuff with you. It won't happen again, I promise." I turned around and tried to escape his grip to go to my room and hide out for the rest of my life.  
"Don't be sorry." Was all he said, then he let go. I walked up to my room and heard the front door shut. That was it. That was all he had to say to me? 'Don't be sorry' well fine. I don't know why a guy like him would even be interested in me anyway. Who would want to date a psycho person like me? I went to my bedroom window to watch him leave. There he was pulling out of the driveway in his truck. I would usually catch him looking up into my window as he left, but not this time. His eyes were on the road ahead of him. Not even the smallest of a glance. It was my fault too. Wait.. what is wrong with me? I seriously just went out on a date with Sean LAST NIGHT why the hell am I all hung up on if Sterling looked up at my bedroom window while he was leaving the house or not. I didn't understand what was happening to me. April would have known what to tell me, she would have known what was happening to me and all these feelings I was feeling for the first time in my life.  
 **Sterling**  
She apologized. She fucking apologized. I couldn't stand to look at her for another second after that. I would have gone completely apeshit. I couldn't listen to her calling herself insane. Hell I was insane for reacting the way I did, or I guess the lack of reacting I did. I should have just held her like I felt like I should have, but I felt like I shouldn't. That was wrong I now know. I should have gone back into the house but instead I just kept driving. Away. I had no idea where I was even going. Until I ended up at home; where there were no cars in the driveway and obviously not a soul inside either. I was going to be alone again. I turned the ignition off and got out of my truck dreading going into the silence of the place I once called home. I unlocked the back door assuming that there would be a note on the fridge as always, giving a lame excuse for why nobody was home. When I walked to open the fridge door I scanned it for the note. Although this time there was none. No excuse, not even a word of where my parents even were. Maybe mom was home and her car was just in the shop. I started calling for her, but I didn't find her. They had both finally stopped trying. Not only did my father totally ignore me but now my mother was't even giving a shit about me. I picked up my phone and dialled her number. Maybe she would answer.  
"Hello?" Her domestic voice answered her cell phone, the way she always did.  
"Hey mom. I just noticed you weren't home and there was no note or anything. Where are you?"  
"Oh me and your father decided to take a last minute trip up to the cottage for a few days. I thought I told you this already?"  
"No you didn't. It's fine. I'll just see if I can stay with Gunner"  
"Oh now don't impose yourself on Heather. Just stay in the house, I'm sure you'll be fine. Theres lots of money hidden in the pantry for your food and such." Well at least they remembered I needed to be fed. That was something.  
"Ok, thanks mom. See you and dad when you get back, drive safe. Love ya" I knew I probably wasn't going to get a response to that back, but I thought that maybe I could at least hope for one.  
"We will" Was all she said, typical  
"Bye, have a good trip."  
"Goodbye, oh and Sterling?" I thought that maybe this was it, this was when she would finally make me feel loved. "Don't spend all the money on take out, at least get some real food in the house, We'd also like there to be something for us to eat when we get back so don't clean us out please." Then she hung up. That was it. I told her to be safe and to have a good time and that I loved her and all she said was to not eat them out of house and home. That was my mother for you. Not a care in the world for the thing that she actually brought into the world. Well fine, they wanted to make me feel like a shit kid, I was going to be a shit kid. I opened up my messages and went directly to the group chat.

Party at my place tonight. Bring your own liquor and come over early to make a dope ass playlist with me, tell everyone you know.

This was going to be a night to remember for every senior in this small town. I would make sure that it was the party of the summer and that everyone remembered it for the rest of their lives.


	9. Chapter 9

**Cameron**  
"I just don't want to go Gunner, isn't that enough?" I sighed Sterling was having a party at his house and Gunner was trying to convince me to go, I really did't want to after what had happened this morning and how fucking confused I was.  
"No, tell me why. What happened after I left this morning Cam?"  
"Nothing." I turned away from him. I didn't want him looking into my eyes when the disappointment in his friend flashed through his eyes.  
"Nothing?"  
"Nothing." I replied to confirm what he seemed to be having trouble understanding. He muttered something under his breath as he stalked out of my room, it sounded like a swear word. Nothing happened this morning between us. Nothing, and for some reason that upset me. It hurt me. I had no idea what was going on with me. The more I thought about this morning the more sad I got, and the more sad I felt the more reason I had to think about April, which made me even more sad. I could feel a tear forming but before it could slide down my cheek I slapped it away. I was tired of crying. I was tired of being the sad girl moping around all the damn time.  
About an hour later Gunner showed up at my bedroom door again.  
"Dix and I are leaving now. Last chance to come." I sighed. This is it Cam, I told myself. This was my chance to finally get my mind 100% off of things.  
"Fuck it, Lets get drunk" I walked out of my room and started to go down the stairs. I could feel Gunner's smile from behind my back.  
"Hell yeah!" Dixie smiled when she saw me. "Lets go, I have enough vodka for the both of us." She smiled and put her arm around me and we walked towards Gunner's truck. As we pulled out of the driveway I realized I didn't want to be sober for any of this party.  
"Hey, Dixie can I have some of that vodka now? I'm a super light weight and want it to hit me by the time we get there"  
"Yeah girl! Here" She passed me a quart of Absolut. I opened it and drank 2 shots worth of it. I knew that I would be getting there by the time we hit the main road so I took another swig when we were 5 minutes from his house. By the time we actually got there I was already half in the bag. I staggered up to the front door with the 2 of them as Dixie held me up.  
"I think we should just take her back home." Gunner said  
"Wh-what? NO! You can't do that to me" I slurred.  
"We'll just keep an eye on her. Don't worry, the worst that can happen is she passes out somewhere."  
"YEAH! I'll just pass out!" I yelled as we walked inside the house. Dixie let out a slight laugh as her and Gunner let go. As they got distracted talking to friends I wandered off to the kitchen. Trying to see if there was more alcohol I could steal without Gunner or Dixie finding out. They would cut me off within the hour if they knew. I found some whiskey on the counter and took a big gulp. I knew I would feel bad for it later, but right now I just wanted to get drunk. I kept wandering around the house alone.  
"Hey Cam. You OK?" Sean asked.  
"Uh Yeah! I'm feeling gr-great!" I flew my arms up in the air, and grinned.  
"Yeah you look like you're feeling good." He laughed. "Do you wanna go sit down for a bit?"  
"Nope! I think I just want to walk around" I turned before he could answer and started walking around the stairs. Next thing I knew I was standing in a bathroom looking at myself in the mirror and in that moment I realized how much I really hated myself.

 **Sterling**  
I was talking to Gunner and Dix when Sean walked up and interrupted the conversation  
"Does anyone plan on bringing Cameron home anytime soon? She's fucked out of her mind"  
"Damnit! I told you Dixie we should have just brought her back" Gunner was pissed. "Where is she?"  
"Gunner if you bring her home your parents are going to send her home." Dixie was right. Gunner's parents hated drinking.  
"Well what do I do?"  
"I'll bring her to the guest room. Its just a bed so she'll have to sleep." I offered. That seemed to calm Gunner down.  
"Yeah, okay. Will you check on her every once and a while? I don't want to worry about her" Hell, I'd watch her sleep the whole night if she'd let me. I was an idiot for earlier. I should have done more. But I had no idea what to say.  
I started walking around the house for her, no where on the first floor so I decided to go upstairs. I saw the light to the bathroom that connected to my mothers room, was on. It had to be her. My friends know thats not the guest bathroom. As I walked closer. I heard things rattling around. What the hell? Did she fall or something? I started walking a little faster. When I walked into the bathroom I saw her sitting on the floor next to the toilet. Maybe she was throwing up?  
"What are you doing Cam?" I sat next to her.  
"Just waiting." She spoke softly looking straight ahead. "Tell your mom I said sorry"  
"What do you mean?" I was so confused. She really was drunk.  
"I'll find a way to fill it back." Now I was really confused. Her head drooped to the side and she saw my confused face. "The pills. I'll fill it back some how" What pills? My heart started racing. The only pills my mom had were ones to help her sleep. Wait. No. NO! I jumped to my feet and saw the open bottle on the counter.  
"Tell Gunner I'm sorry." She started to cry as she became more and more limp.  
"How many did you take Cam!?" I yelled. She just shrugged  
"I had to do it right this time. It had to be enough" She was fucking with my entire soul right now. I couldn't let her do this. I yelled for Gunner with my most frantic voice. He might not have heard me over the pounding music down stairs. I grabbed her and stuck my finger in her mouth. She started gagging and forced her head away from my hand.  
"It has to work" She cried while trying to force her entire body from me but she as becoming to weak. Shit. I yelled of Gunner again, louder this time.  
"No, Cam you have to live. You can't do this." I was almost in tears. I tried sticking my finger in her mouth again. This time it worked. She started to throw up.  
Finally Gunner had made it to the bathroom. I was now in actual tears. I had no fucking idea what was happening.  
"What the FUCK" Gunner roared.  
"She took my moms pills. She won't tell me how much she took. You need to call 911!" Gunner just stared at his cousin for a spilt second then ripped his phone from his pocket. I turned my attention back to Cam. She now was almost like a noodle. Damnit! I tried to make her throw up more but it wasn't working...  
She passed out right before the ambulance came.


End file.
